Someone threw rice over the couple. The rice was from China. The couple were from Bildeston. At thirteen years of age they were sewn together into old sheets because their parents told them they loved each other and, anyway, this was the tradition in Bildeston. No child was born on the wrong side of the blanket in Bildeston. Never.
The couple had heard of China because there were plates in the village painted with scenes of Bildeston on them and they knew these plates were china. They had also heard of rice. They made rice puddings as children and when hard enough they would mould the puddings with their little hands into little rice dollies. They studied all the local crafts in their school at Bildeston.
When, finally, baby arrived, its umbilical was cut and it too was sewn into the sheets that kept them together in the fabric of the family and the community of Bildeston. Indeed, as Dad Asquith said at the baby’s Wet Towel Confirmation:
Ah Yes, we’re sewn into our shrouds from birth in this wonderful tight knit community that is Bildeston!
With that, they left the baby hanging from its seams and drank a toast to the village, to Bildeston.
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NOTE: There are several villages called Bildeston but the Bildeston of this story is so tightly knit that it cannot be identified on a map... If you find the Bildeston in question, researchers at Rupert's Blog would like to know.
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